How did we end up like this? (pt. 3)

The breeze picks up to a strong wind and whips the leaves on the pavement into a frenzy. We head into the park, a longer route to the pub since we decide the need to walk a bit before deserving of a few pints.

Dusk is settling in early as daylight saving has kicked in the week before. A couple of dogs and their owners are walking through the park, their paths cross and they sniff each other intently. He laughs at the spectacle when one of the dogs, a Golden Retriever looks over and cocks its head. A few moments later the Retriever has lost interest in the other dog, a poodle, and scrambles over to the foot of a tree.

We carry on walking and suddenly, the park lights come on. The wind has died down, and the topic of conversation shifts from assignments to mutual friends. I start kicking the settled leaves and skip through a pile of them. Without warning, I’m tackled from the side and I find myself winded as I collapse into the leaves and onto the ground. I hear him laughing as he approaches, and I see him with an armful of leaves scooped off the ground. He throws them over me as I’m lying there, spread out, playing dead.

I kick out as he laughs again and he lets out a yelp of pain. I must have aimed right and struck him. Moments later I feel a thud beside me as he falls into the leaves, gripping his shin.

‘Ouch!’ he cries out, and I laugh, still semi-covered in leaves. I try and brush the leaves off my face; they’re slightly damp and I can feel the moisture on my face. Still lying there, I get a fit of the giggles and start to laugh uncontrollably. Suddenly he turns over and straddles me, I put up my arms to push him off but he’s quicker than I am and grabs both my wrists. Pinning me to the ground, he leans in and kisses me.

This time I don’t hesitate: I kiss back. It is soft and lingering, tentative, unknowing of the boundary we have just stepped over by this reciprocated embrace. I catch his scent: tobacco, Acqua di Parma cologne (a birthday present I got him a few months back), wet leaves, damp ground. The kiss seems like an eternity, and I want to be lost in it.

Nearby, a set of church bells sounds out. 4 pm. The spell is broken. He looks down at me, smiling that smile. He leans in to peck me on the forehead, gets up, then holds out a hand to help me up. I take his hand and he pulls me up. I stand level with him and watch him grinning as he picks stray leaves out of my hair.

I’m confused about this. I thought we were just friends. What do I do now? Can I touch him? Can I kiss him? Why is he being so intimate? I want answers, I want clarification. I have been in love with the idea of him for such a long time I’m not sure if I’m dreaming it. The straight man and the gay friend, standing in the middle of a darkened park, electric intimacy charging the atmosphere around us. He kisses me again.

‘I told you I was drunk last night,’ he begins as we continue walking at a slow pace, he takes a deep breath, ‘I was drunk last night but I knew what I was doing. I’m only sorry that I wasn’t fully coherent when I chose the moment.’ He reaches out to hold my hand, and I accept shyly. It feels nice and warm, and it feels that all my Christmases have come at once.

(To be continued...)