Being good, Swiss style

The Christmas season is upon us, with resolutions being made to eat less after the big event, and various other good intentions to follow, the New Year being the time to implement them all. While adults have a very strong resolve to follow them but then inadvertently fail, children are spared this self-introspection and personal improvement.

The Swiss*, however, have very different ideas.

My boss has 2 children under the age of 5. The have been invited to a St. Nicolas' Day party with the following instructions to the parents:

'Each child should be provided with a present, wrapped, and their name clearly printed on the parcel to facillitate ease of St Nicolas giving away said presents to the right child.

'Along with this, each parent should provide 2 positive comments, and 2 negative comments about the child on a slip of paper to accompany said present, in order for St Nicolas to declare before the audience, the strengths and foibles of each child.

'For example, the positive statement could be "Mary, you're very good at playing with your little brother so he doesn't cry." The negative, can focus on something such as "Mary, you shouldn't wet your bed."

'We look forward to a celebration this weekend, and don't forget the instructions.'

Now, this would seem sensible at first glance, but upon further dissection, my boss made the following comment:

"It's all very well having an appraisal when you're at work, but my kids are so fucking young, and screwing with their heads with some authoritarian figure they've never met is really, putting it nicely, a mindfuck."

That, has been the funniest thing I've heard all week, in complete context.

I remember something similar when I was 5, and St Nicolas sat me on his lap (back in the days when this was still normal) and told me that I was very good helping mummy with the housework (positive comment) and that I should stop crying because daddy had left (negative comment). I'm only thankful that I'm not in jail today.

And therefore, I believe, is how to fuck up your child. I'm totally going to try that one day.


* DISCLAIMER: This might actually be more from an overbearing mother figure than the actual Swiss, but I'm going with it.